So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
bring money and cleavage
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
