I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My life is pants optional.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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