bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
