youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
