i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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