Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
