one word: firstdatebathroomanal
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
