I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
