I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize