If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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