I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
