I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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