She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
