You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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