like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize