Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's like God shit irony all over that family
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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