rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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