I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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