I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
