The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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