she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
