I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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