Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
