That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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