Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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