I could make wine with my vomit
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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