it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize