i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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