i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
literally had 100 drinks last night.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
