idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
