Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
