you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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