Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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