the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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