I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
