Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
