Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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