Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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