Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
