Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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