I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
