I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
