OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
