why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
