can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
