you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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