do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
