I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
