i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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