i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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