Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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