Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
