I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
