So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
