Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
