Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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