Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
