Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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