So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When are your genitals available?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
