"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
