we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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