i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it glows. i had to have it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
