I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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