i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
