I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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