were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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